Dragon Ball J
by majinpooge
Summary: A fanfic about DBZ characters smoking weed. *There's a tfs reference. I do not own the line used, teamfourstar does. *There's also some spoilers for the future trunks arc.
1. Chapter 1

It was just another day for Piccolo. He was picking up the marijuana that was freshly grown by Korin. Senzu beans aren't the only things he grows.

"You got my share from last week?" The talking cat reminded Piccolo.

"Right, of course." The Namekian said handing over half the profits he made last week.

"I'll tell ya, getting into this weed business was a great idea. I tried charging people for the Senzu beans once but everyone bitched about it."

"Yeah." Piccolo replied. "This is one of the only ways I can make money too. I mean, I'm a green slug man. No amount of affirmative action is going to get me a job."

"What a racist world we live in."

After that, the Namekian hid the kush in his cape and flew off. Piccolo had been selling weed for a couple of months now. Korin grows it for him and they split the profit. The Namekian was able to make somewhat of a living off of it. He just hoped that Gohan wouldn't find out. He's an adult now. But Piccolo knows that he thinks of him as a father more than his actual father. He even babysits Gohan's daughter Pan and he doesn't want to expose her to that.

In the middle of his flight, Piccolo gets a call. He opens up his flip phone and sees the name of one of his regulars on the caller I.D.

"Yeah Vegeta, I'm on my way."

"Great." The prince replied over the phone. "I watched my future son's universe get destroyed a few days ago. I need this."

"I know. That was wild."

"You weren't even there for that."

"Oh yeah."

"Anyway, just get here so I can forget about that and the fact that I couldn't even defeat an evil version of Kakarot."

"Alright."

With that, Piccolo hung up. Ever since he got Vegeta into weed, the prince seemed to be a lot calmer. He went from destroying planets to dancing around and yelling "Bingo!" to protect his family. Piccolo used to be the same way. He wanted to kill Goku and his friends, then he discovered marijuana and chilled out. His memory kind of sucks though.

Suddenly, the Namekian heard the dreaded sound of police sirens. He looked down and saw Krillin pulling someone over. He panicked for a minute, then realized that if Krillin saw that he had weed, he wouldn't be able to arrest him anyway since he already pulled over someone else. You could smoke a fat blunt in front of a cop who pulled someone else over and they wouldn't be able to do a thing about it. Mr. Popo told him that. Piccolo decided to watch what was happening, but kept his energy low so Krillin wouldn't be able to sense him.

"Alright Launch, you know I have to pull you over for speeding. And I'm not gonna cut you any slack even though you're a friend." Krillin said confidently yet somewhat fearful.

The blonde Launch rolled down the window of her car thinking _if only I hadn't forgotten my gun today._

"Yeah, yeah I know how fast I was goin'. And I'm surprised you haven't forgotten about me like the rest of y'all did."

Krillin suddenly got a whiff of something that smelled like a skunk.

"Hang on, what's that smell."

The blonde Launch replied nervously, "Uh, how the fuck can you smell anything? You don't have a nose."

"Apparently I have a 'physical idiosyncrasy that allows me to breathe through my skin' or whatever. Listen, I need to search your vehicle."

"Ugh…Fine." She said as she reluctantly got out of the car.

 _Oh shit, Krillin's searching Launch's car._ Piccolo thought to himself. _Huh, haven't seen her in years. I forgot all about her._

"Aha!" Krillin exclaimed pulling out a bag of weed that Launch hid in the glove compartment. "Launch, what is this?"

Krillin held the weed up to Launch's face. The smell made her sneeze and change back to the blue-haired Launch.

"W-what? You found that in my car?" The good Launch said in shock. "I've never seen that weed before in my life."

"That's what they all say." Krillin said.

"Krillin, you know it was the other me that had the weed!"

"Well I'm sorry, Launch. But as a cop, I gotta bring you in."

"Oh, alright."

Since she was too nice, the blue-haired Launch let Krillin take her away in the cop car. This gave Piccolo a sobering thought. If Krillin caught him, he could be put in jail. He had to forget about it for now. He had work to do.

"Uh, where's capsule corp? Oh yeah."


	2. Chapter 2

Vegeta impatiently waited outside of Capsule Corp for the Namekian to deliver his weed. Bulma and Trunks were out shopping. He always made sure to meet Piccolo when they weren't home. If Bulma found out that he'd been smoking weed, he would never hear the end of it. But it helps keep Vegeta's mind off of things. Like how Kakarot is always one step ahead of him. Hopefully, it will get his mind off of what happened to Future Trunks too. It might not seem like it, but Vegeta actually cares about his son. Especially his wife. He can't stand the thought of Bulma dying in the future timeline. That might just be because of the weed though.

Finally, Vegeta saw his green drug dealer. Piccolo smoothly landed in front of the prince without saying a word.

"It's about time." Vegeta said.

Piccolo discreetly pulled the weed out of his cape and held it out for Vegeta.

"Bulma and Trunks aren't around are they?"

"Of course not."

"Good. I don't want them finding me out. Especially the kid."

"Well," Vegeta said taking the bag of weed from Piccolo. "Nothing would be worse than Gohan finding you out."

"Don't remind me."

Vegeta handed the money to Piccolo.

"Anyway, I'm gonna smoke this before Bulma comes back. So, don't bother me."

"Whatever." Piccolo flew off.

Vegeta went inside to get his bowl and grinder. He keeps them hidden in his underwear drawer. Bulma doesn't look there. At least, he hoped she didn't. The prince shifted around his boxer briefs and chuckled to himself as he remembered Bulma's last name. He then started to think less of the writer of this fanfic for making such a stupid ass joke. After Vegeta found his bowl and grinder, he grabbed the lighter out of the kitchen cabinet. Then, he hurried out the door. Vegeta would never smoke inside of the house because of the smell. He also liked to be alone when he smoked. So, he usually went to a secluded spot in the mountains. In three short minutes, the Saiyan was in his usual spot. He leaned up against a big rock as he ground up the weed. He started to feel thankful that he had this opportunity to be alone with himself. Nothing but peace and quiet and marijuana.

As soon as the prince was beginning to enjoy the solidarity, the low-class Saiyan appeared out of nowhere making him jump out of his skin.

"Hey, Vegeta!" Goku greeted his rival.

"SON OF A BITCH KAKAROT!" Vegeta screamed almost dropping his weed.

Goku laughed innocently.

"Sorry, Vegeta! I just wanted to come by to…wait this isn't Capsule Corp."

Vegeta grunted nervously as Goku looked down and spotted his weed.

"Vegeta! Are you smoking?!"

"It's none of your business Kakarot." Vegeta quickly replied.

"You're smoking that marriage-ana that Chi-Chi told me about! That stuff's real bad for you!"

" _Marijuana_ is not bad for you." The prince said defensively.

"Oh yeah? Does it make you stronger?"

"Well…no."

"Then what's the point if it doesn't make you stronger?"

Vegeta tried to search his brain for a logical explanation for why he smokes weed. Then, he gave up and decided to tell him the truth.

"It…it helps me relax."

"It does?" The curious Goku asked.

"It just…helps me take my mind off of things."

"What? Like how I'm stronger than you?"

Vegeta let out an irritated grunt.

"Well, I just want to forget what happened a few days ago."

"Oh, that you couldn't defeat Goku Black?"

"I'm talking about my son you idiot!"

"Oh, you feel bad about what happened to him?"

Vegeta said nothing.

"Hey if it makes you feel any better, I feel kinda bad too. I mean, everyone in that timeline besides Trunks and Mai is gone."

Vegeta turned away from Goku and continued to grind up his weed.

"Just leave me alone, Kakarot."

"Actually, Vegeta, I think I'd like to try some of that." Goku said carefully.

"Changed your mind so quickly?"

"Well, you said it can help you relax, right? I've actually been having kind of a hard time with Chi-Chi. Ever since she heard about me fighting Goku Black, she's been really strict."

"There's no way I'm sharing my weed with you, Kakarot." Vegeta shot back.

"Aw, come on." Goku said disappointed. "You have enough for the both of us!"

"I just don't want to smoke it with you."

Goku was about to give up and go home. Then, he got an idea.

"Hey," Goku started, "If you don't share your weed with me, I'll tell Bulma that you smoke!"

"Go ahead."

"And I'll tell everyone how much you ship Trunks and Mai."

"Oh fuck, fine."

"Yay!"

Goku happily sat down next to Vegeta. He watched as Vegeta put the freshly ground weed into the bowl.

"So, you smoke it out of that?" the innocent Saiyan asked.

"Yeah, here." Vegeta said giving the bowl to Goku. "I'll light it for you so you can take the first hit."

"Ha. Ha…Hit."

Vegeta ignored Goku's horrible pun and flicked on his lighter.

"When I light it, you suck in."

Vegeta lit the weed that was in the bowl and Goku did as he said. Goku's virgin lungs couldn't handle the smoke, so he coughed up a storm.

"Yeah, it hurts at first." Vegeta said.

"Thanks for telling me." Goku said weakly.

"Kakarot, you're breathing in smoke. Of course it hurts."

Since Goku didn't suck in all the way, the flame disappeared.

"Here, I'll light it again but you gotta pull harder."

"Well, now I'm nervous. It's gonna burn." Goku whined.

"Fine, then I'll take the first hit."

The prince lit up the weed in the bowl once again and sucked in the smoke. Goku was surprised at how long he breathed in the smoke. Finally, Vegeta exhaled a cloud of smoke as Goku watched with awe. When he was done, Vegeta handed the low-class Saiyan the bowl. Goku took it and slowly sucked in the smoke. He was still scared to burn himself. It took him forever to get the smoke into his lungs. After he took the hit, he passed the bowl back to Vegeta.

"So, that really messed you up, huh?" Goku said trying to make conversation.

"What?" Vegeta replied as he was about to take the next hit.

"You know, about Future Trunks."

"Oh. Well, I mean…it's just unfair. He should have been able to defeat Zamasu and save everyone."

"Yeah." Goku said sympathetically. "I'm sure he'll be fine in the other timeline, though."

Vegeta nodded and took another hit.

"Huh, I wonder what he's doing with the Trunks and Mai from that timeline right now." Goku wondered.


	3. Chapter 3

***I refer to the Trunks and Mai from the destroyed timeline as Trunks and Mai number one and the ones from the other timeline Trunks and Mai number two so there's less confusion.***

After Trunks and Mai's universe got erased, they decided to go to another timeline before Zamasu showed up. Now, they're with the Trunks and Mai from that timeline. And they have weed.

Well, more specifically, Bulma does.

"My mom has a dab pen?" The Trunks from the destroyed future said incredulously.

"Oh yeah." The other Trunks replied. "I found it a little while after Gohan died. I used it without her knowing. You know, to cope."

"Wow, I never found _my_ mother's dab pen."

"Maybe that version of Bulma didn't have one." The other Mai guessed.

"Well, I guess we'll never found out anyway since she's dead."

Mai number one gave Future Trunks a comforting pat on the shoulder. They've been through a lot together. They tried so hard to protect everyone from Zamasu and Goku Black. But Zamasu just ended up taking over the entire fucking world anyway. Everyone fucking died. And then Zeno just erased the entire universe. Like what the fuck. I cried so hard watching episode 67. Fuck you, Toei Animation. Fuck you, Akira Toriyama.

Anyway, back to the story.

"I can't believe there is a version of me that's even more fucked up." Trunks number two said.

"Yeah, two apocalypses will do that to you."

"You know, marijuana can help with PTSD."

"Who said I had PTSD?" Trunks number one said defensively.

"Dude, we survived the apocalypse. How could we _not_ have PTSD?"

"Oh yeah."

"He's right though." Mai number one interrupted. "I heard weed does help people with PTSD."

"Believe me, it does." Trunks number two said. "I don't know how I would've dealt with Gohan's death if I hadn't found this dab pen."

Trunks number one flashed back to when he cried himself to sleep every night after Gohan died. A part of him wished he found that dab pen.

"And Bulma never found out?" Mai number one asked as her boyfriend started dissociating.

"Nah."

"Huh." Mai turned to Trunks number one. "Well, what do you think Trunks?"

The dissociating Trunks didn't answer.

"Trunks!"

"AH. GOHAN. WHAT-" Trunks snapped out of it. "Oh. Uh, I don't know. I've never been high before."

"Oh, don't worry about it." Mai number two started. "Being high feels great. And I don't even have PTSD, I'm just a stoner."

Trunks was silent as he tried to think. He wondered if it would really help his PTSD. He knew that smoking (or vaping) weed is probably not the smartest thing to do. But if it alleviates PTSD…

"You don't have to do it." Trunks number two reassured him. "I don't want to peer pressure myself."

"No, it's fine. I think I'll do it."

"Are you sure?" Mai number one asked.

"Yeah. You know, we've seen way too much. I don't think a little weed would hurt."

"That's true." Mai agreed. "What have we got to lose anyway?"

"Yeah, I mean you already lost your entire universe." Mai number two laughed.

Everyone stared at Mai number two.

"Too soon?"

The blue-haired time traveler didn't have the energy to get offended. He was out of fucks to give.

"Just give me the damn pen."


	4. Chapter 4

*This one took a while but I'm definitely planning on finishing this fic eventually. Anyway, enjoy Goku and Vegeta getting emotional because they're high.

Vegeta and Goku had just smoked their first few hits. Goku was already starting to feel something. Since Goku is less tolerant than Vegeta, he got more of a high. Jeez, can you imagine Goku high? Well, now you don't have to.

"Vegeta, I'm hungry." Goku whined.

"You're always hungry."

"Yeah, but I feel hungrier than usual."

"You just have the munchies."

"Vegeta, can we get something to eat?" Goku asked innocently.

"You'll be fine, Kakarot. We still have some weed left." The stoned prince replied.

"Vegetaaaaaa. I'm hungryyyyyyyy."

Vegeta tried to ignore Goku's whining. But the low-class saiyan kept rolling on the ground and crying. Now that he was high, Goku was more annoying than usual.

"Fine, Kakarot. If it'll get you to quit bitching."

"Yaaaaaay!"

"Let's just go back to Capsule Corp. I don't want to be seen in public with you like this."

"Like what?" Goku replied. "I'm fine."

"Your eyes are bloodshot and you're being extremely paranoid."

"They are? Oh god, what if Chi-Chi finds out? Chi-Chi's gonna kill me! Chi-Chi's gonna kill me Vegeta! I bet she's on her way right now!"

"Shut up, she's nowhere near here." The doped Vegeta told Goku. "Let's just fly back to Capsule Corp."

Goku agreed although he was worried about being seen in the air. He would have used his instant transmission, but nobody was at Capsule Corp. He's probably too high to do that anyway. The two Saiyans took off and headed toward Vegeta's house. Goku had a little bit of trouble flying because he kept zoning out. Also, he kept looking for Chi-Chi. He was so afraid of what she would do to him if she found out he was high. There's no dragon balls to fix that.

While Goku was scanning the ground for Chi-Chi, he saw a woman with blonde hair that he hasn't seen in a while. It was Launch. She looked like she was running from something.

"Hey, look Vegeta!" Goku said excitedly. "It's Launch!"

"Who?"

"Let's go say hi to her!"

"No, Kakarot. She's gonna see you high. Let's just keep flying."

"Nah, she wouldn't mind. Let's go."

Goku started flying towards Launch before Vegeta could object. Vegeta reluctantly followed after him.

"Hey Launch!" The Saiyan landed right in front of the criminal. "I haven't seen you in forever! I almost forgot you existed."

"Goku!" yelled the startled Launch. "Listen I gotta go, I gotta get-Are you fucking high?"

"I told you she would notice, Kakarot!" Vegeta exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'm totally baked." Goku said slowly.

"Well, speaking of weed, I just got caught with it and Krillin had to bring me in. I escaped but they're still after me so I gotta go."

"Oh man!" Goku shouted. "So, if we get caught like this would Krillin arrest us?"

"That's what happened to me. Now I gotta run."

With that, Launch took off. Goku started to worry about what would happen if Krillin found out he had been smoking weed. Would Krillin really put him in jail? He couldn't do that. Krillin is Goku's best friend.

"Kakarot, don't worry about it." Vegeta reassured Goku. "I've been doing this for years and he's never caught me."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Goku said still worried.

"By the way, how come I've never met that girl?"

"Oh, it's because bitch-ass Toriyama can't remember his own characters." Goku said bitterly.

"You are so high right now, Kakarot. You're starting to act like the writer."

"Let's just get to Capsule Corp so I can forget about the whole Launch thing. JUST LIKE TORIYAMA DID."

Vegeta and Goku took off and headed towards Capsule Corp once again. For the rest of the flight, Vegeta had to listen to Goku rant about Toriyama. The weed really made Goku let out his emotions. Vegeta was relieved when they got there because he knew Goku would shut up while he's eating.

As expected, Goku immediately raided the fridge.

"Save some for me Kakarot." Vegeta said. "I've got the munchies too you know."

"Of course, best buddy!"

Since Vegeta was high, he didn't care about Goku calling him "best buddy". He thought that it was kind of nice that Goku forgave him after all he did. He's able to forgive so many people. Vegeta could never do that. Sometimes Goku can be a really great person.

Oh god, now Vegeta's getting sentimental.

"Hey, why did you want to come talk to me in the first place?" Vegeta asked the hungry Saiyan.

"Oh." Goku said with his mouth full. "I just wanted to say hi, that's all."

"You just wanted to say hi?"

"Yeah. You're my buddy, right?"

"Hmph."

"Oh, come on! You know you can't live without me!" Goku teased.

Goku was somewhat right. Vegeta needed Goku in a way. Without Goku, he would never have gotten stronger. Sometimes, Vegeta can't stand him. But they've really started to bond over the years.

"I guess…" Vegeta started. "But that's only because you help me get stronger!"

"Are you suuure?" Goku jested.

"Yes, Kakarot! This isn't turning into one of _those_ fanfics!"

"Well, I just want you to know that you're a good friend Vegeta! I really admire how much you've changed!"

Vegeta seemed unmoved.

"The weed is making you sentimental, Kakarot."

"Oh really? Does it make you sentimental?" Goku asked curiously.

"Maybe sometimes."

Goku got up in Vegeta's face.

"Ooh! What do you get sentimental about?"

"I'm not going to tell you!" Vegeta said turning away from the giddy saiyan.

"You get sentimental about Bulma don't you?"

Vegeta looked nervous.

"I knew it!" Goku laughed. "You love your family!"

"Shut up!"

"You love Bulma! You love Trunks!" Goku teased in a sing-songy voice.

Vegeta started to get irritated.

"That's one thing we don't have in common. I actually love my family!" Vegeta shot back.

Goku looked shocked. Suddenly, he started to giggle.

"What's so funny, Kakarot?"

"You admitted it!"

Vegeta was silent for a while as he stared back at Goku. He unexpectedly started to tear up.

"I really do love my family, Kakarot."

Goku gasped with shock and excitement.

"I never thought I would have a family like this. At first, I only wanted to have Trunks to keep the Saiyan race going. I never thought I'd actually love him like I'd love a son. I know I'm usually hard on him, but he makes me proud. And even though I didn't raise him, Future Trunks makes me proud too. The future me couldn't be there to raise him, but he still became a man. He's braver than I could ever be."

"Jeez, Vegeta." Goku said. "Now you're gonna make me cry."

"And Bulma's such a strong woman too. Most women on this planet are taught to be polite and gentle. But she's different. I guess that's why I was attracted to her in the first place. Saiyans are wired to like strong women."

"Wow, Vegeta. I never knew you felt that way." The surprised Goku said. "Actually, I kinda knew that. I just didn't think you'd ever say that."

"Well, if you tell anyone what I said, I'll never share my weed with you again."

"Right."

There was an awkward silence between the two Saiyans. Finally, Vegeta broke it.

"Do you really think I'm a good friend? Or were you just saying that because you're high?"

"Of course, I do!" Goku responded. "You know I'd say that sober!"

"Well," Vegeta started. "You're a pretty good friend too, I guess."

Suddenly, the two Saiyans burst into tears.

"We're so fucking high right now, Kakarot."


	5. Chapter 5

"We're so fucking high right now, Mai!" Trunks number one yelled. "Hehe, that rhymes."

"Jesus Christ, Trunks." Mai number two said. "You only took one hit. You're not high."

"Oh, I guess I got too excited."

"Don't worry." Trunks number two started. "You probably won't get too high anyway since it's your first time."

"What? But I want to be high!"

"Relax, Trunks." Mai number one said. "I think you'll still feel something."

"Yeah, but I want to be high." Trunks whined.

"If you want to get higher, just take more hits." Trunks number two explained.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Mai number one said. "Maybe just start small for now and-"

But Trunks number one was already taking another hit.

"Trunks!"

"Don't worry, Mai. I'll be fine!" Wannabe stoner Trunks replied. "It's like you said, we've got nothing to lose, right?"

Trunks really didn't care how high he would get. He just wanted something to take the pain away. Even if something really bad happened, it can't compare to everything that already happened to him.

"Uh, Trunks, I think the less attractive me is right." Mai number two said.

"Hey!"

Mai number two continued, "I'm afraid if he takes too many hits he'll go crazy."

"I've been going crazy all my life." said Trunks number one who was already on his fourth hit.

Mai number one sighed. "This isn't going to end well."

"You know what else didn't end well? Our arc." Trunks said now on his 6th hit.

"Oh, shut the fuck up."

Before Trunks knew it, he was high as fuck. And not the good kind of high; it's that kind of high where you get paranoid and dissociate and you think about everything bad that happened in your life. And that's just Trunks's luck because every ten minutes something bad happens to him.

"Oh, my genocidal God." said Trunks high off his ass. "What the hell is going on right now? I don't even know where I am anymore."

"Hahaha. Oh, MAI God. Ha get it? Mai? That's me!" said Mai number 2 also high off her ass.

Mai number one just stared at her other self disappointed. She smoked with the others but she was still too sober for this.

"Hey, relax other me." Trunks number two said. "This happens sometimes when you're high. Especially if you have a low tolerance."

"Were you like this when you first got high?" Trunks asked his other self.

"Oh no. You're on a whole new level of high."

"Ugh. I told you this was a bad idea!" Mai number one interjected.

"I feel even more paranoid than usual." Trunks number one said. "I thought you said weed helps PTSD, less fucked up version of me!"

"Well yeah." Less fucked up Trunks explained. "But it really depends on your mileage. Some people get like that when they're high."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE?! GOD, I HATE MYSELF."

"Haha. MAIself." Mai number two chuckled.

"I hate myself too." Mai number one said.

"Well you're the one who took ten hits!" Trunks number two accused.

"Just try to relax Trunks." Not-so high Mai said.

"Ok, ok." Trunks said as he began to lay on the floor. "I'll just lay right here and chill the fuck out."

(Two seconds pass)

"Yeah, I can't do it."

"Geez Trunks. I told you something bad would happen!" His worried girlfriend exclaimed.

Trunks shot up from the floor.

"Oh, you're right it's all my fault!" He said suddenly angry.

"Haha. It's MAI-" Mai number two started.

"SHUT UP." The others shouted.

"Trunks, what are you talking about? I never said anything was your fault." Concerned Mai explained.

"But everything IS my fault! I was the one who went back in time which caused Zamasu and Goku Black to come and just destroy everything all over again. And for good this time!"

"Trunks..."

"What was even the point of trying to protect everyone? Look what happened! It was all for nothing, Mai!" He started to tear up. "What was the point of doing ANYTHING? What was the point of fighting back? What is the point of even LIVING? I wouldn't be surprised if Zamasu comes back somehow to kill us both cause that's just the way my life goes. Everything that's important to me just gets destroyed. My life is just a fucking nightmare! GOD TRIED TO KILL ME."

There was a long silence. The other Trunks and the two Mai's were shocked as they thought about how fucking real this got for a goddamn joke fanfic.

"Trunks come on, let's go upstairs." Mai number one said breaking the silence. "You need some sleep."

"No, I can't sleep." Trunks said through his tears. "What if Zamasu comes and kills you!"

"Ok Trunks, he was erased from existence. How the fuck would he come back?"

"I don't know." Trunks said too high and sad to function.

Mai sighed and picked her boyfriend up by the waist and slung him over her shoulder. For some reason she can pick up Future Trunks with her power level of like 40.

"I'm gonna take him back to our room." She said to the others. "He needs some rest."

"Yeah that's probably a good idea." Trunks number two replied.

Mai carried the miserable and stoned Trunks out of the room.

"Well, that was fucking wild." Said the Mai that was still in the room.

"Yeah." Trunks said. "I thought this was just going to be a fanfic about all of us smoking weed. I didn't think it would get so emotional."

"Hey, you know what would be a good idea for a fanfic?"

"What?"

"Zamasu and Goku Black but they're the Columbine shooters."

"Mai, you are so fucking annoying when you're stoned."

Mai number one plopped her emotional wreck of a boyfriend on his bed. She glared over him with a look of "I told you so" like an angry mother would (which is really funny because she's technically old enough to be his mother, or even his grandmother. Like seriously who would have thought Mai from the original fucking dragon ball series would be sucking the cock of Bulma's son). ((I don't know why I wrote that I'm sorry)).

"What?" Trunks finally said. "Are you gonna give me an 'I told you so' talk? Like my mom would? Or my grandma? You know Mai, sometimes you really act like you're sixty years old- "

"You smoked so much because you wanted to forget about what happened didn't you?" Mai said gently.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I was doing. Wow, Mai how did you see through me like that?"

"Well, when you're my age, you can figure out a lot of things."

"Mai, were the same age."

"Yes!" Mai answered quickly. "We are definitely the same age! I'm not technically younger because of the dragon balls or anything."

"God, you're almost as high as I am."

"Listen, no amount of THC is going to change what happened. It's not going to cure your PTSD either. It might help it a little, but it's only temporary."

"Just like our universe."

"Trunks."

"You're right." He sighed. "I guess I can't solve my problems by getting high. And besides, it's all over now. It's not like there's gonna be a third Future Trunks arc. I swear to God if Toriyama fucks me over one more time…"

"And like your dad said, you're strong enough to defeat anyone who comes in your way!" Mai said. "There's even two of you now!"

"Yeah, unless the enemy is immortal like a certain someone."

"I really hope your therapist makes a lot of money."

Trunks was silent for a minute, then he smiled and looked up at Mai.

"Hey," he started, "Not everything that was important to me got destroyed."

Mai stared at him blankly.

"What...Oh, that's me!"

"Yeah! You are best waifu."

"Oh dear…"

"I'm gonna need some more of that I love my waifu juice, cause I just fucking love my waifu."

"Please stop calling me your waifu." Mai said embarrassed.

"But I loooove my waifu. I love her in the morning and in the afternoon." Trunks began to sing loudly. "I love her in the sunlight and underneath the moon!"

"You're so embarrassing." Groaned Trunks's waifu.

"Hey, Maaaaaaai."

"What?"

"You know what song makes me think of you?"

"What, Trunks?"

"The song that goes like 'you are my sunshine, my only sunshine' cause you're my only sunshine!"

Mai blushed.

"What the fuck, that's actually really cute."

"Haha. Hey…you are MAI sunshine!"

"And you ruined it."


	6. Chapter 6

Beerus and Whis were hanging out on their planet. As usual, Beerus was eating. Only this time, he was stress eating. Whis decided to ask him about his state of mind.

"You seem a bit agitated, my lord."

"I'm not agitated, Whis!" The agitated Beerus said. "What makes you think I'm agitated?"

"Well, you have eaten at least 50 plates of spaghetti in the last hour and a half and when I tried to stop you, you told me in a heavy Italian accent to not touch your spaghetti."

"Whis, I cannot believe you just referenced a meme that will probably be dead soon. People who are going read this months after it's published will cringe reading that. Shit, now it's definitely dead or at least dying because the author put off writing this. What in fuck's name is wrong with you? You disgusting piece of shit asshole."

"Now, my lord." Whis replied coolly. "You only call me a piece of shit asshole when you're very stressed. So, I think your agitated."

"Alright, Whis." Beerus sighed. "It's this tournament that the Omni-King wants to have."

"Mhm. You're afraid of Universe 7 getting erased, aren't you?"

"Of course I am! I don't want to suffer the same fate as the people in that crybaby time traveler's world."

"Oh, Lord Beerus you shouldn't worry yourself too much about it." said Whis.

"Sure, you're all calm 'cause you won't get erased no matter what."

"Oh, ho ho ho." Whis laughed. "I guess that's true. But I hate to see you this way, Lord Beerus."

"Well, what are you going to do about it? You can't make Zeno call off the tournament."

"Yes, I'm afraid I can only provide a short-term relief. It will be worth it, however."

"Alright Whis, I'm listening."

"Lord Beerus," Whis started. "I've found that Earth has a vast supply of marijuana."

The God of Destruction nearly fell over in surprise.

"You're kidding! I haven't had weed since Freeza planet 420 got destroyed."

"Do you want to know how I found out?"

Whis showed Beerus Goku and Vegeta smoking out of the bowl on his scepter .

"Ha," Beerus laughed. "Those two smoking weed instead of training? I wouldn't have expected that of them."

"How about we go over there and have Goku and Vegeta share it with us?" Whis suggested. "I think it could help you take the edge off, my lord."

"Excellent idea, Whis."

With that, Beerus touched Whis's shoulder and the two of them were off to Earth.

Meanwhile, Goku and Vegeta had just finished their weed and were laying on the floor staring at the ceiling. They were too high to even talk to each other. They've said enough to each other already. Now they're emotionally exhausted. Vegeta made a mental note to never get high with Kakarot again so that he doesn't make him pour his heart out.

Suddenly, they were startled by the arrival of Universe Seven's Angel and God of Destruction.

"Ah, Lord Beerus!" Vegeta said as he quickly stood up. He was trying very hard not to seem high. Goku didn't seem to care as he was still laying on the floor.

"Oh, hey you guys!" Goku said to Beerus and Whis half in the bag.

Vegeta nudged him with his foot as a signal for him to get off his ass.

"What brings you here?" The prince asked.

"I see that you Saiyans have gotten a hold of Dabura's lettuce." Beerus replied.

Vegeta winced from shock.

"W-What are you talking about?" He said nervously. "We haven't been smoking anything!"

"Oh, we've already seen that you've smoked." Whis said. "And it doesn't help that you have that bowl out in plain sight."

Vegeta glanced at the bowl that he forgot to hide.

"Dammit."

"We were wondering if you would share some of that weed with us." Beerus inquired.

"You can't just barge in here and try to smoke us out." Vegeta protested.

"Oh, I think I can." Beerus said putting his hand up as if to perform a "Hakai".

Vegeta groaned.

"Well, we already smoked all of the weed we had." The prince explained. "You would have to ask the Namekian, he's my dealer."

"Very well then," said Beerus. "Bring the Namekian here."

"Oh, I don't want to call him again. He was just here and- "

Beerus held up his hand again which made Vegeta whip out his phone and quickly dial Piccolo's number. He explained to the Namekian that Beerus and Whis were here and they wanted weed. Piccolo told him that he would still have to pay for it and he reluctantly agreed to come over (wow, I did not feel like writing dialogue for that).

"Hey I'm here." Piccolo said walking through the door.

"Wow, you came here fast!" Goku said. "Did you learn Instant Transmission too?"

"No, the writer's just getting lazy."

"Whatever green man, this kush better be good." Beerus interjected.

"Damn, I can't imagine these two high." Piccolo said as he gave distributed the weed between Whis and Beerus.

"Yeah." Goku said finally getting off the floor. "Hey, why did you guys want to come smoke with us anyway?"

"Well, we haven't been able to get our hands on some weed since Freeza Planet 420 was destroyed by Lord Freeza himself." Whis explained. "He doesn't support the legalization of marijuana on his planets. So, when we saw that you Earthlings grow weed on your planet we just had to jump at the chance!"

"Why didn't you ever come smoke with us before?" Vegeta asked.

"Oh, Lord Beerus is- "

"Because we feel like it!" Beerus interrupted. "Now are we gonna smoke this or what?"

Whis pulled out his giant bong that was given to him by the Grand Priest. It had a blue halo around it just like Whis does. He put the weed in the bong, lit it, and let Lord Beerus take the first hit.

"Ooh, what's that thing?" Goku asked curiously.

"It's a bong you simpleton." Beerus replied. "Have you never seen one before?"

"Nope. Can I try it?"

"You don't even know how to use- "

"Wait," Vegeta interrupted. "Let him try and use it, it'll be hilarious."

Beerus reluctantly handed the bong over to Goku. Goku looked at it for a second to try and make sense of it. Then, he blew into the top of the bong and spewing water all over the place. Vegeta roared with laughter.

Eventually, the five of them were sitting in a circle passing the bong around. Beerus had to help Goku use it every time. Goku and Vegeta were even higher than they were before and Beerus and Whis were content. Beerus even started to feel a bit better about the tournament. And Piccolo was just being Piccolo, but high.

"I say Whis," Beerus said. "This weed may be even better than the weed on Freeza Planet 420."

"There was weed on Freeza Planet 420? That's fucking hilarious." Vegeta said.

"How does the writer come up with this shit?" Piccolo added.

Suddenly, Krillin walked through the door and everyone froze.

"Aw man." The bald cop started. "You guys wouldn't believe the day I had. I had to arrest Launch, who I completely forgot about, god it's been a while since I've seen her. And I had to take her in for having marijua-."

Krillin saw the bong that was being passed between the gang.

"Oh, Goddammit! Guys, I didn't know you smoked weed!"

"Uhhhh..." The unusually nervous Piccolo said

"Where do you guys even get it from?"

"Uh…definitely not from me." Piccolo replied.

Everyone silently looked at Piccolo.

"Okay maybe I've been selling it to everyone but I only did it cause I needed to make some money!"

"Piccolo, how could you do something illegal!" Krillin exclaimed. "What would Gohan think about this?"

"Don't talk to me about Gohan!"

"Damn, calm down Future Trunks." Goku teased.

"Are you making fun of my son Kakarot?!" Vegeta snapped.

The room suddenly erupted into loud arguments. The only ones who weren't yelling were Beerus and Whis. Beerus stopped the commotion by going up to Krillin and putting his hand up in the "Hakai" position. This made Krillin jump with fear.

"Listen kid, you're not going to punish anyone here." Beerus said threateningly. "Or else, I'll erase you."

"B-But, it's my job L-Lord Beerus!"

"Umm, I'm a God of Destruction and uhh last time I checked a God is higher than the law."

"Oh shit, I guess you're right." Krillin said. "Alright fine, you guys won't get in trouble."

Everyone cheered with relief and thanked Krillin. Then, Goku gingerly handed the bong to Krillin suggesting that he take a hit.

"Aw, what the hell." Krillin said after thinking for a minute.

Krillin took one hit from the bong. After only one single hit, Krillin passed out on the floor. The gang had to gather the dragon balls to make him conscious so that they wouldn't have to take him to the hospital because they would get in trouble if they did. But in spite of that, Krillin had a good time smoking with his buddies.

The End.

**I know this chapter took a while to write but I'm in college and I'm trying to get a yoga teaching degree and I also have two anxiety disorders to take care of. But this fanfic was fun as hell to write so I hope you guys liked it!


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